Delivering my TEDx talk, “Be a Reformer, Not a Referee,” was an incredible experience, but what you saw on stage was only part of the journey. Behind every talk, there’s a process—moments of reflection, preparation, and challenges that don’t make it to the spotlight. In this blog post, I want to take you behind the scenes and share how this talk came to be, what inspired it, and the lessons I learned along the way.

The Birth of the Idea

The idea for this TEDx talk came from a combination of personal experiences and observations. I’d seen, time and time again, how people—including myself—were quick to point out problems but slower to take action. It became clear that society is filled with people who have strong opinions but few who actually drive change.

The turning point for me was the tragic story of the young university student I shared during the talk. That incident really stuck with me—not just because of the tragedy itself, but because of how quickly people online criticized and commented without thinking about the real, lasting pain this caused for those who knew him. It was a painful reminder of how we sometimes use others’ misfortunes as platforms for opinion rather than catalysts for action.

That’s when the core message started to form in my mind: there are commentators, and there are changemakers there are referees and then there are reformers.

Developing the content

Once I had the core idea, the next challenge was structuring the talk. I knew I wanted to draw a distinction between people who just speak about problems (referees) and people who take action to solve them (reformers). But I didn’t want to come across as overly critical or negative—I wanted to encourage and challenge people to become reformers in their own right.

I spent hours refining my message. At one point, I was buried under a mountain of drafts, each with different approaches. Some were more academic, focusing on research, while others were more story-driven. I eventually found a balance by integrating both personal stories and lessons learned from my work in social enterprise.

The Role of Personal Experience

The talk wasn’t just about sharing an idea; it was deeply personal. I reflected on my own journey—particularly the lessons I’ve learned from founding The Black Excellence Network and consulting in the education sector. These experiences showed me that real change comes from deep self-awareness and understanding others.

In the early days of developing the talk, I struggled with whether or not to include personal stories. It’s one thing to share research or big ideas, but it’s another to open up about your own experiences. In the end, I realized that sharing my story was crucial for connecting with the audience. It wasn’t just about giving them a roadmap; it was about showing them that I had walked that path myself.